Those who mind don't matter.

Okay, this post is going to be a little bit rant-y, so just consider this your advanced notice. But hopefully it'll give you some insight too, dear reader.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

First of all, what I want to say is that I take no issue in people who are proud of who they are and what they stand for. People with solid arguments behind their opinions, and people who are genuinely good and kind to others. I don't judge people based on their personal beliefs - for example I myself am a firm believer in my Christian God, but that doesn't mean I will think any less of you if you're not, or if you're not a Christian - and really, I try not to judge people period, because being judged just kind of...sucks.

What I do take issue with, however, this quote just chillin' above me, (yeah, you see it right up there?) and that seems to have been chillin' in my life throughout the past few months. Right off the bat, what this quote says to me is that people shouldn't feel the need to change who they are just to please someone else. That's fine with me. But then I look into it a little harder, and I realize what this quote also implies is something along the lines of:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind, and if you happen to offend or hurt anyone [deeply] along the way, just fuck 'em."

Um...no thank you to that both literally and figuratively. In what world is it okay to hurt someone and then just pass it off as you just being yourself? Is "yourself" a giant fucking asshole or something?

Now, feel free to disagree with me on any of this, but I believe there comes a point where it's not okay to "say what you want" because there are people in your life who do matter, who might also just so happen to mind. For example, if you come up to me and tell me straight to my face that there is no God, or tell me that when I pray I'm actually talking to no one because Jesus doesn't exist, or that when people talk about how they feel God's presence they're actually just alone, not gonna lie I'm gonna get a little offended, because while I respect the fact that you're an Atheist or Agnostic or what have you, that does not give you the right to come up to me and deny MY beliefs to my face in a derogatory manner especially when I ask you to please stop. You're more than welcome to think those thoughts and practice them in your daily life and talk about them to your Atheist and/or Agnostic etc. friends, but when you say that to someone whose religion is very important to them and saved them from a very dark time in their life, you're going to offend them. And hurt them. I guarantee it. And you're not allowed to just stand there and say that that person doesn't matter "because they mind."

Everyone matters. Everyone in this whole world matters.

It's not okay to just bash people with mean and hurtful words and then just pass it off as you being yourself and then blaming the other person for taking it so personally. That's not what mature adults should do and really, I think that's part of the reason why this world is so chaotic as it is; people just say whatever the hell they want to each other and do whatever the hell they want to each other, and then just tell themselves that "those people" don't matter.

They won't care.

They won't get hurt.

This shouldn't affect them anyway.

They shouldn't care.

Well sometimes it does. And they do. Sometimes words really, really hurt, whether they're spoken aloud, written in text, or even written in pen. Words can destroy people, and we need to be careful what we say, even if we are just "speaking our minds."

And just gonna throw this thought out there, from my own personal experience: Sometimes it doesn't even matter why something that was said hurt someone. What matters is the fact that it did, and you're the one who did it. You need to fix it. You need to apologize, even if you don't know what you're apologizing for. Just do it. Be the bigger person.

I guess what I really just want to say is...be careful what you say to people because words can cut deeper than any physical wound. Having a filter is a good thing. Believing in your heart that everyone matters; even if they're not your friend, even if they're someone you hate, even if they're some annoying professor who just gave you your first C...they matter.

Phew, okay. I think the rant is now over. I should probably sleep now, buuut it's finals week and ain't nobody got time for that.

I'll see y'all on the flip side of this Chem. final Thursday evening.

~Erin

P.S. Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM! Who definitely turns 40 today........................

We love you, Boston.

Ever since I sat down at my desk at work late this morning and turned on the computer, I have been seeing (and reading) articles looking like this:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/dozens-people-injured-explosion-boston-marathon-190955311.html

And this:

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/two_explosions_at_boston_marathon_iMR0LCkcwASg0RQfVsH1yI

And this:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2013/04/15/us/site-of-the-boston-marathon-explosion.html?_r=0

The list goes on and on. I think I can speak for everyone here when I come out and say I just don't get it. What in God's name could possess people to commit such crimes? First the Sandy Hook shooting, and now this? I mean what the actual fuck is wrong with people? Pardon my French but really, it's heartbreaking.

What is it that people think they can accomplish by shooting guns and setting off bombs and hurting innocent people? Does it give them some sort of like weird power trip or something...I just, I can't even. If anyone has any theories, let me know. I've had this giant lump in the back of my throat literally all day, looking through pictures of these poor people and wishing there was something I could do to help, instead of just sitting here all the way across the country and watching them suffer.

I know people who live in Boston, several of whom are very dear friends who I care for very much. Like for example this girl:

 

We've gone on many an adventure in that city, and it's insane to think that the streets we've walked on, the places we've visited, are now torn apart with pain, injury, and violence. It literally makes me sick to think of anyone hurting my friends over there, or anyone else I love for that matter (although thank God they're okay). And to think of all the stupid accusations and conspiracies that are most likely going to be flying around in the near future, like blaming the president or the US government or whatever, and how exhausting that's going to be to listen to, especially because we all know it's not true. But I don't really want to get into that. 

I guess I'm just waiting for the day when I can read through the Times and not see something about people somewhere suffering. Violence won't ever end with more violence. Hate won't ever end with more hate. War won't ever end with more war. This marathon was an event to honor the 26 victims of the Sandy Hook shooting last December, and just to further prove it, here's the link:

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/04/boston-marathons-final-mile-was-dedicated-newtown-victims/64250/

Every mile ran in that race today was to honor a little first grader, or a principal, or a teacher, or a school counselor. And then some awful, awful human being(s) makes a homemade bomb to set off near the 26th mile point. Just...why? Just...ugh. Just...fuck you whoever did this.

So for now...

And don't forget to tell the people you love just how much you love them!

~Erin

I'm so distracted by everyth-SQUIRREL!

So I am writing to you all today to talk about one thing first and foremost: focus and my lack thereof.

I don't know if it's just because it's that time of the year or something, but lately it just seems like I cannot focus on school for the life of me. It's like I have too many other things on my mind, like this summer, next fall, Comps (or "Senior Thesis" in Occidental-speak), next winter break, my life, etc etc.

Basically it goes like this: I sit down with my chemistry book and notes, fully intending to study and kick ass on my exam next Monday morning (HA YEAH RIGHT), and then I start thinking about next month and summer and stuff and I get totally distracted. Summer should be fun though, right? Full of stuff like this:

 

 Or this:

Or even this:

Or, okay one more, this:

(Sunriver, Oregon one of my favorite places in the world)

But then life kind of slaps me in the face and is just like lol no you're a college student summer isn't a time to de-stress are you crazy? Summer is a time to stress and think about how poor you are and how you have no prospects in life and are going nowhere. Ugh. I hate that so much. I'm just like...so over being stressed, you know? I'm sure you all are too, and I wish you didn't have any stress either! So we could all have like one big stress-free party!

Working together to be stress-free. haha okay. 

 

You know what I'd love to do most of all this summer? Besides stay in LA? Go on a vacation with my mom. Just me and her, going everywhere but going nowhere at the same time, because those are the best adventures, and she's actually a really good travel buddy. Just ask her. I've always wanted to do a really long trip with her, like a long drive, or hike, or whatever. Hmph.

I'm sorry this isn't a very interesting post. Really, school and work have taken over my life so I don't really have anything exciting to tell. I have a chem. midterm on Monday morning, but you already knew that. I'm studying a lot, I really am, but that subject kind of hates me and I find that I do just as well on exams when I don't study as when I do, so you know it doesn't really matter either way. I also have a paper due next Wednesday that I should have started by now, and my professor thinks I'm already finished with, but I haven't, because of reasons. And then I got a sore throat and decided to feel sorry for myself.

Oh! I forgot to tell you! Next week is also I-Week for Zeta (and all other sororities and fraternities). I think I stands for initiation. Basically that means I'm going to be over-my-head busy and not sleeping all week, BUT at the end I will (hopefully) be an active member of Zeta! 

Really though, I'm super glad I joined this lovely group of people. It's been swell, and next weekend is Oxy's Relay For Life which we have a team for so that should make the experience even swell-er. I'm excited.

Anywho, there's an update on my life for you people. Oh and the job interview I mentioned last time, it went okay. I'll just leave it at that. And let you know that I have another one this coming Wednesday. This summer so up in the air and what am I doing with my life and where am I going and asdfhhhjghjklmpw.

~Erin

Asleep.

...is what I should be right now. But I'm not, because my mind is full of too many things. And The Smiths are singing to me and I'm perfectly okay with that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D9ae_hdkUM

(This book and movie changed my life too)

The first thing that's going through my mind is this rough draft of a screenplay I have due on Wednesday afternoon that I'm trying desperately to outline. It's supposed to be for a short film, so like 15ish pages on paper (and that's in script format). But you see, that's where my problem begins, because my mind physically doesn't work in short term; everything I come up with in my head is for either a novel or a long, detailed story...I guess that could be considered a novel but whatever. The point is, I'm having some issues figuring out how I want to do this thing. Now before you ask, I have the storyline and I really don't want to change that. It's basically along the same lines as the story I'm going to turn into a semi-autobiographical novel one day, but again, it can't be a novel. It has to be short. So I was thinking I could take a snippet of my future story and turn that into a script for a short film? Sigh, I don't know.

However, if you'd like to know the storyline I'll gladly tell you (most of it). Let's just say several months ago I created this character in my head and her name is Emily Carver. She's been up there for a while now, and every now and again I find myself thinking as her; if I were to make her come to life in my novel how would she think? How would she act? How would she react? Anyway, if you hadn't guessed, little miss Emily is a slightly more badass version of me. She's smart. She's strong. She's been hurt, but she's not afraid to love. She cares about people, but sometimes she doesn't always know how to show it, or how to tell them. And yet, the person Emily cares for the most is the person who's most far away.

In my novel screenplay, she's going to find her. I just need to figure out how, because again, this isn't a novel. Gah. Frustrations because things that make sense in my head don't make sense on paper...or, on computer screen.

Fuck.

(I am getting way too happy with this strike through line thing...)

I also can't sleep because I'm thinking about the fact that summer "vacation" is only about five weeks away and I still have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going to be. And that's super stressful. Oh, and I put quotes around "vacation," because I honestly can't remember the last time I considered summer to be a vacation, instead of a time that just stresses me the eff out. What is wrong with that picture? Oh well, I guess the best I can do is hope that one day, preferably sooner rather than later, summer will once again be a time for me to relax like all the other kids.

Oh, and I have a job interview tomorrow guys! Er...I guess it's now later today because it's motherfucking 3:12 in the am. It's for a summer position for this organization that basically helps high schoolers (and first generation college students) from low-income backgrounds get ready for college. For those of you who know what Jumpstart is, the organization I spent two years working for, it's basically that but for big kids. I'm really looking forward to the interview; call me crazy, but I actually thoroughly enjoy most job interviews. I know, it's a little weird. If I end up getting hired, I will either be working as a legitimate tutor, or as a residential advisor, aka. the person who schedules the tutoring hours. So, you know, just...

And just to add a 17th thing to discuss on this post, I suppose I should also announce that I got picked to be part of Occidental's Fall 2013 O-Team! aka. Orientation Staff! I'm super excited about it :) Basically, my friend Enoch and I, and several other leaders I'm sure, will be leading and advising a group of transfer/exchange/visiting students, or TEVs for lack of a better word. Enoch was a TEV at Oxy with me last fall, so I'm really excited to work with him :) Just to give you some idea of how exciting it really is, here you go:

 

I think I'm gonna listen to The Smiths now, and actually go to sleep. So good night every one :) Or...good morning to those of you who wish to be smart asses.

~Erin

So many things.

For the longest time I told myself that I had abandoned this blog. Legitimately abandoned it. But tonight - and a few other nights to be honest - I'll admit I have so much on my mind that abandonment seems like an utterly foolish thing to do.

So I apologize. For those of you who actually took an extra five (or more) minutes out of your day to read my rambles and insights, I am sorry I quit so abruptly.

Also, for those of you who didn't know, Occidental College is a really difficult school. Like really difficult. And that gets frustrating sometimes because like, I'm not used to taking four classes at once man! Four classes where each professor expects 110% from you or more...like wtf? Well, I've been here over a semester now, and somehow I've managed NOT to flunk out, so that's a bonus that I may or may not repeat to myself in front of the mirror daily. Really, I think that's all you really need to know about my schooling...the rest of it is all just cliche bitching about classwork and having too many papers due and not enough time to do them.

Fucking professors.

No not really, I like them. I really do. Like there's this one teacher, Professor Stone; I literally worship the ground she walks on. No, the water she walks on, because she's just so much cooler and smarter than everyone else. Don't tell her I said that, well...I guess you could, I'll let you decide.

Anywho, I guess I really just wanted to write tonight because I have things on my mind that need to be released out into the physical (or online) world. I guess if there was one thing I've realized, and fairly recently, is that I have a difficult time admitting when I'm wrong. I feel like we all have that issue at times, but now it feels like it's kind of just eating me up...like some kind of parasite that I wish I could just take a drug for to kill. But that's not how life works...the bastard. Oy. I just hate getting in like, little spats with people and then finding out like halfway in that I'm the one who's wrong. Or even that I'm the one who's right but I have no way of proving that I'm right without sounding like an asshole. And usually about halfway into these things I wish I could be somewhere else anyway, so I make some half-assed excuse to leave.

Blah.

I won't burden you too much with this, since it's been like 84 years...

...since I last blogged. Sorry, I couldn't help myself, I love that gif. And I feel like I have so many more things that I could talk about, but right now that's in the front of my brain. Sometimes I just want to scream at myself to just CALM THE FUCK DOWN and say I'm sorry, or I am so wrong here it' s hilarious, but I can't, because I was raised to be a pretty non-confrontational person, and unfortunately that little bug has stuck with me into my 20s. I have no idea how to get rid of it, so any thoughts would be extremely helpful.

So yeah. I feel like I'll be writing on here way more often again now, so please stick with me! Because I love you! And I have many things to say, about school, and many other adventures. And who knows, maybe I'll even write a few flashback posts to some adventures I had last semester, like meeting MY BEAUTIFUL AND COMPLETE IDOL Kate Walsh in a movie theatre on Thanksgiving.

Oh, and Happy Easter! He is risen! :) I may or may not have sworn too much in this blog to claim that I believe in God, but I do nonetheless. <3

I'll see y'all on the flip side after church in the morning!

~Erin

P.S. I may or may not have taken some selfies with a fake mustache tonight...gracias Instagram.

Tomorrow my life changes.

Hello everyone. Please ignore the part in my last post where I said what I was going to write about next, because that is a lie. I thought I was going to write about that next, but then stuff came up and I didn't have a lot of time to finish it. I might finish it though...one day. Also, what I'm going to talk about in this post is very important in terms of events in my life, and I really want to share it with you.

Tomorrow, I am moving to Los Angeles. Yes, moving.

Can you believe it? Yeah, neither can I just yet, which is funny because I have literally spent the entire day packing, with the help of two of my best friends in the afternoon. Right now, I have three suitcases as well as countless totes and little storage thingies packed and sitting in the car, ready to leave bright and early in the morning. Wow! I mean seriously, it is so crazy to think that I am actually sitting here telling you that I am moving to LA tomorrow, when it seems like only yesterday it was January and I was telling you how I needed a change in my life, and that California was only a pipe dream.

WELL TAKE THAT PIPE DREAMS.

I am going. I am going to find the change that I need in my life; I want to find adventure, fun, [more] friends [because I already have amazing ones], sunshine, and maybe even do some homework along the way. I am ready, and I can feel it with every fiber of my being. I know that many people fear change, and I admit 99% of the time I am one of those people. But I think my issue with change has mostly been about the fact that throughout my entire life, I have never really had any control over the changes that came my way. Sometimes I may have thought that I did, but in retrospect...not really. It's always been forced upon me, laughing in my face and basically mocking how little control I had over my life. Well not this time, bitches. I took control of this one, and I am going to make it work. I am going to go after the things that I want, and just relax and enjoy the ride.

But you know what another funny thing about this move is? You know that feeling you get when you're just like...in the right place at the right time, and everything around you just feels...great? I'm certain this feeling doesn't just apply to me. Right now, I just feel overwhelmed by how strong that feeling is taking over my mind and soul. I just feel like where I am going is right, Occidental is right. I have great friends, from Eugene, Seattle, and all over the world; I never ever want to forget or lose touch with any of them, and I have no regrets with how I've spent the past two years. But my going south down I-5 rather than north up just feels right. I'm sorry I am using the word right entirely too much in this post but I really can't think of a better word to use.

Oh, but you should know, I don't start my Occidental orientation until this coming Saturday, soooo...Mom and I are spending Thursday at this place:

Disneyland ftw.

Tomorrow we will probably leave Eugene...well super early, I don't know the exact time. I just know I won't be driving because I will most likely be falling asleep in the front seat. Woot. It's just going to be Mom and me going down, in my car. Oh yes, my car. Well, not entirely my car; it's still in my mom's name but yes, I get to keep the car down in LA with me this school year. Praise Occidental and the holy gods above for free student parking. Don't worry, I won't be doing any serious adventuring with it, for one because LA traffic SUCKS, and for two because I will probably have a lot more homework than I'd like to believe just yet (I'm still in denial about that part...). But it will be nice to have when I need to you know go to the store, or get up early on a Saturday morning and go over to the park and hike.

Realistically, I should probably be getting to bed soon because of again, the fact that I need to leave super early (I'm going to guess around 6am). I just wanted to take some time and inform you of what is going on in my life tomorrow, and for...well the rest of this year. I will try to get on and post again in the next couple of days to tell you about my orientation agenda, and I'll be posting pictures and stuff, but I think now I'm just going to leave you with what I've said above. 

Goodnight jolly people!

~Erin

P.S. Please don't hate me when I tell you that one of the factors behind my writing less on here was because I have started writing Fanfiction. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. I started a Grey's Anatomy fic last week centered around like the end of season 1 to the beginning of season 3, and I'm super addicted to it.

Rated T/M

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8428965/1/Finding_Our_Way

Yay!

Oh yeah, and I finished work on Friday, August 10. Needless to say I don't think my jeans will ever recover.

Playing catch up.

First of all, I am soooo so sorry I am failing miserably at keeping up my blog this summer. Major fail sauce. In my defense however, I have had many ideas of things to write about within the past few weeks, and I have one in the works, but with my job and my lack of sleep and *insert 47 other excuses here,* I just haven't had the energy to do anything. So right now I'm going to write a quick post just to catch you up on what I've been up to over the past month-ish. And instead of making this all listy, I'm going to try to be fancy and...I don't know, never mind.

________________________________________________________________________

The job

Yep I am still working, driving Greta the combine. Long story short, she has been great, but I have a pretty love/hate relationship with my job. Now before you get your panties in a bunch, I think that's pretty normal for anyone with a job...right? It's pretty safe to say that since the last time I wrote on here, I have gotten a lot more experience with work, meaning I have experienced almost every kind of break down possible that a combine can accomplish, I have learned how to fix my own plug-ups (meaning I can fix when my header takes in too much seed and clogs itself), I have learned various and assorted farm lingo and/or how to keep my overly liberal mouth shut (go Obama I mean what), I have learned how to drive a combine on the road (and by road I mean I-5), and most importantly, I have learned how to entertain myself when dealing with 10+ hour shifts. As of right now, the job is also 6 days per week, which as you can imagine gets really tiring. We are currently working on a bunch of fields down in Creswell (30 mins south of Eugene), which should take a few more days to complete. Okay, let me cut to the love/hate part. There are things I love about this job, and there are things that I hate. Let me make a list for you: (...so much for no listy things...)

I hate:

1. Servicing the combine. Okay that's not completely true...I hate blowing them off with a leaf blower every morning. You sweat, and then to top that off dirt flies everywhere so that mixes in with the sweat and then you pretty much never feel completely clean again. Oh and then just add a little bit of grease to all of this.

2. Driving the combine past 9pm. We normally end a little bit after 9, but I find that once it gets later than that I start to get a little crazy, you know like screaming, singing obscenely, doing stuff like that in my combine.

3. Getting up in the morning to drive 30 mins in order to be at work by 8am.

4. When the combine breaks down or has a heart attack and people get all stressed out and take it out on me.

5. Crying over the aforementioned point.

I love:

1. That feeling you get at the end of a really good day where nothing went wrong with your combine in the fields.

2. That feeling of accomplishment you get after achieving something on your own for the first time. For example today I was for the first time able to drive up to one of our semi-trucks and dump seed into it without spilling anything (normally we have someone drive a truck alongside us that we can dump into and he aligns himself with us), meaning I aimed correctly. Also, the other day I drove my combine down I-5 to get from Coburg to Creswell, so that was exciting.

3. When we get off earlier than 9pm.

4. The really good friends I have made on the job.

5. The fact that some of my coworkers have incredible senses of humor. I love listening to people's crazy conversations over the radio.

6. The higher appreciation I have for playlists and audiobooks.

7. All of the pretty sunsets I get to witness almost every night. Like this one:

________________________________________________________________________

Crater Lake

I also went to Crater Lake with my mom and best friend Bre! Here is picture proof:

Crater Lake Lodge.

Obscenely large fireplace inside the Lodge.

Pinnacles.

________________________________________________________________________

The Olympics

Yeah I've been watching them, when my job will let me. Needless to say I'm kind of in love with these people:

Okay now I seriously need to go to bed. My eyelids are shutting as I am typing this. Oh! But before I do, let me just give you a heads up on what my next post is going to be about (the one that I'm currently working on). It's entitled Extended family; make of that what you will. Goodnight!

~Erin