You and your yellow jacket.

Lately it seems like every time I log in to Twitter and scroll through my news feed, I see someone posing the question:

What is it really like to serve with City Year? 

OR: 

What are your students really like?

OR (for those who are a little more uninformed about the demographics of Los Angeles):

Don't you ever get scared going to work in those kinds of neighborhoods?

I'd be lying too if I said I'd never gotten asked any of these questions more than once, and I'd be lying if I said they've never felt impossible to answer. BUT, after seeing the last round of blog posts by various City Year sites, AND after having just participated in a national Twitter panel (#askCY) about what it's really like to serve with City Year, I figured now would be a good time to give my two cents.

1. Your students will love you a lot more than you think they will.

I think personally this was the biggest thing for me. I had applied for City Year with most of my childcare/educational experience being with elementary or preschool kids, so naturally I desperately wanted to be placed in an elementary school working with 3rd graders. I was terrified of the idea of working with any kid old enough to have a personality that could tell them right off the bat not to like me. What I love most about little kids - or I guess what makes working with little kids so much easier (for me) - is the fact that they kind of love you on the spot. All you have to do is sit down next to them, read them a book or tell them a joke and it's like BAM heyyyy new best friend! But older kids...needless to say I was afraid an older kid would take one good look at me, eye me up and down, and then let out a curt screw you and your yellow jacket.

I had heard two different stories with respect to school placement.*

*Disclaimer: You don't find out which school you'll be working in until about the second week of basic training (so for me, August 4th, 2014). 

The first story I'd heard, the person said City Year would most likely place you in an environment where you've had the most experience, because that way you'd have a lot to bring to the table. The second, however, told me that City Year would most likely place you in an environment where you had the least experience, because that would force you to step out of your comfort zone, and you know what they say about comfort zones...life begins at the end of them, or something. SO, naturally I assumed I'd get placed in a high school, and I'd literally spent ALL of training preparing myself for that news. I was mentally preparing myself to get thrown into that place with all the kids who were old enough to take one good look at me and say screw you and your yellow jacket. 

Well, hahaha the joke ended up being entirely on me. Entirely. Because not only did I not get placed in an elementary school with all the little 3rd graders I'd been dreaming of, I didn't get placed in a high school either. No, I was to be in middle school with 6th graders!

John H. Liechty Middle School! Home of the Sharks!

This wasn't exactly my I'm-totally-uncomfortable-get-me-the-heck-out-of-here zone, but it wasn't my comfort zone either. Were 6th graders old enough to have personalities?? Did they hate people on the spot?? Had society messed them up yet?? 

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

On the flip side, I loved my new teammates almost immediately. They were all funny, quirky, and nobody really liked anyone more than the other. We all fit together, like that perfect sandwich that would taste horrible if you added one more ingredient, or took one away. At least that's how it felt to me at the time, and that eased my nerves. For those of you who don't know, I feed off of the vibes I get from other people; if I think someone's upset with me for any reason, I will shy away because I assume they don't want to speak to me. If people are sad or crying around me, I will cry too. So, if people are excited around me, you can probably guess how I'll be feeling. If my teammates were excited to meet/work with our kiddos, then by golly so was I!

Then I stepped back and reflected a little bit.

Erin, if you were really that scared of kids hating you then you wouldn't have even applied to City Year in the first place. Get a grip.

That was basically my thought process. 

Cut to the first day of class. All my kids were very, very shy around me, which when I look back at now I can't help but laugh. My kids, shy?? Nahhh. Anyway, they were shy, but so far none of them hated me. We were off to a good start.

Cut to last week. One of my brightest, most promising kiddos Johnny (name changed for privacy) was probably being the most obstinate I've ever seen him. I've sat with him while he wrote papers, I've heard him participate in class, I've made jokes with him, I've watched him go through his faux hawk phase...and here he was not listening to anyone, refusing to do any work, messing around with a couple other boys in class. I should probably mention that Johnny also struggles with peer pressure a lot more than some of my other kiddos. I got frustrated quickly, not necessarily because he was being so difficult, but because I've seen what he's capable of and it seemed like like he was choosing to be a pain. I used my strong voice not once, but about four times that day. I hate those days; those days where it feels like all I do is yell (note: it's typically not real yelling). 

As you could probably guess, I was not Johnny's favorite person that day. He glared at me, and did just about everything short of cursing me out (which - positive framing - I guess is a good thing since last summer I was so scared of that happening), and even still I didn't feel like he hated me, like I know basic training Erin would have felt. I've told this kid more than once that I see a lot of promise in him, that it's okay to be smart, and to stand out in a crowd, and every time I tell him these things, I swear I can see his eyes brighten ever so slightly. He gets it. Like I said, he's not stupid. 

And that's what keeps me from thinking he hates me; the idea that even though I may use strong voice and pull him out of the classroom if only to ask what the heck is going on with him, there's some part of him that knows I'm only doing it because I care about him, so so much...faux hawk and all.

2. There will be days when you're going to feel a little bit (or a lot) lonely.

The most ironic thing I've discovered about City Year is that I'm literally never alone, but there are days where I feel lonelier than I ever have in my life. To me, one of the toughest things about service is that there's always so much that needs to get done, whether it's writing student support maps (City Year lingo for goal-setting sheets), session plans, finishing a poster or art project, planning our after school program, or meeting with a partner teacher. Everyone is busy, all the time. We all have different students each with different needs and going through different walks of life. We all have different meetings and different situations at home and different plans for next year. 

My team talks about being there for each other, and I think 99 percent of the time we are. However, there's always going to be that 1 percent where you feel like you have absolutely no one in the world to talk to. And you don't. It's unavoidable. The key is to figure out how to dig yourself out of the hole that is that feeling, and put one foot in front of the other. Be kind to yourself. Go for a run. Go eat your favorite food. Call your grandma. Know that no matter how alone you feel, no matter how many friends you think you "lost" because you're so busy, people love you, and you love them.  

3. You'll spend a lot of time working with teachers employed by the school district, other educational non-profits, and City Year staff, and they'll change your life.

If there's one piece of advice I could give about partner teachers, it's always assume positive intent. They care about the students just as much, if not more, than you do. But when you're in charge of a class of 25 kids, well you get where I'm going with this. Individual attention can't always happen. Teaching is no walk in the park, and I tip my hat to every single teacher out there. I often see teachers at my middle school leaving at the same time if not later than my teammates and me. I hear stories about how they cried in class out of frustration because all they want is for their kids to succeed. My partner teacher has given up her lunch break to sit and talk with three boys who were messing around in class the period before. I could go on all day.

In fact - and I've told this to at least two dozen people already - a huge part of the reason I'm even serving with City Year is because of a teacher I had in high school, and how she inspired me to push myself as hard as I could in everything I did. She was there for me during a rough time in my life. She showed me she cared, and let me tell you, that can make all the difference in the world to a student. 

My partner teacher is one of the most kind-hearted women I've ever met. She uses strong voice because she cares. She doesn't crack a smile with our kids often, purely out of professionalism, but when she does the whole room lights up. 

We also have another educational non-profit in our school, called Communities in Schools, and it's such an incredible program. Each employee there also has a list of students they work with, and they plan field trips, holiday activities...this list could go on too. A good handful of my students are involved in CIS, and they rave about it. Not to mention, if we didn't work together I would probably consider one of their employees one of my closest friends (seriously, she was just in New Orleans for a conference and she got me a shot glass from there because she knew I collect them and I'd never been). She was there with me every step of the way last fall when something not-so-good happened to one of my students, who was also one of her students. I've sat at her desk for an hour before, just talking about life. Ugh. 

Lastly, the City Year staff never gets enough appreciation. And I'm not just saying this because you know, it's what you do, I really mean it. They always talk about how they're there for us if we ever need anything (networking, etc.), and it's so true. Like, I didn't even think I could make it in PR until I started working with the CYLA Communications staff. 

I guess where I'm going with this is City Year has introduced me to a lot of really genuine people, and challenges my somewhat-natural cynicism every single day.

4. You'll gain experience in many professional fields, not just teaching.

I didn't really know this at first either. No, I don't want to be a teacher, but I do like helping people/giving back to the community, and I do like kids, so that's kind of why I applied to City Year at first (along with the high school teacher I mentioned before). I had no idea that by joining the organization I would eventually realize my true calling - media/public relations. By joining City Year I've been able to create Instagram/other media pages for my team, understand what it means to use social media as a means of creating positive change, work with the awesome Communications team at the downtown office, and even create a social media initiative for my team that allows us to showcase our City Year experience both in and out of the classroom.

So much of what we do involves media relations, and you'd never guess that until you see it up close and personally. Through Twitter, I've been able to meet and talk with AmeriCorps members and City Year staff all over the world. I've gotten ideas for activities to do with my students. I've gotten to see what other teams across the country are doing to #makebetterhappen. There's so much support out there that it's actually a little overwhelming when I really think about it.

Essentially, City Year has helped me discover a passion I never knew I had inside me, and it has absolutely nothing to do with teaching.   

*shameless self promotion*

Please follow my team on Instagram! Our new initiative includes the hashtag #cythroughmyeyes, City Year Through My Eyes, and basically what we're doing is, like I said, showcasing our City Year experience both in and out of the classroom. Trust me, you don't want to miss it! :)



5. You'll become very protective of the neighborhood you're serving in.

Sure, we don't serve in the Pacific Palisades, but every neighborhood has its problems. Some may just be a little more visible than others. Yes, I have run into not-so-friendly characters. No, I do not go to work in fear for my life every day. Yes, I will get annoyed with you if you refer to the neighborhood I serve in as "the hood." Yes, I will get annoyed with you if you pretend to know anything about inner-city Los Angeles if you've never spent any real time there.

The name of the community where I serve is Westlake, and the majority of the population there is Central American (Guatemalan or El Salvadorian). My entire class, save for like two or three kids, is Guatemalan or Salvadorian (the other two are Mexican and the third is Albanian). Most were born in the US, but their parents immigrated. Central American culture is something I knew very little about before coming to City Year, and even still I have so much to learn. Many of the parents and people I've met are very kind and very, very hard working. Many still struggle to speak English, but I've realized that even if there is a language barrier between you and a parent, caring for a child has no language. If you make it clear that you're here to help, you care about their kid, and you care about their kid's success, whether you speak English or Spanish or Swahili or Mandarin doesn't really matter all too much.

One of my roommates serves in the Watts community, in south South Central LA, and there's another neighborhood that has a whole slew of stereotypes; gangs, gang violence, poverty, etc etc. But I think over the past seven months I've only heard Brooke complain about it once, and even then it wasn't really a complaint about the neighborhood per se, it was more a complaint about the extreme violence that can happen there, and how said violence often gets ignored.

These are entire communities of people that I hardly knew anything about, and my chest aches thinking that if I hadn't joined City Year, I would probably still be one of those people who drove down Wilshire Blvd., peered out the window at the abundance of "shady" people hanging out outside the Food4Less grocery store, and pushed down on the gas pedal a little harder.



6. Your students will teach you SO MUCH; anything from how to not care what anyone thinks of you, how to skateboard, to how to say dumba** in Spanish.

I think another thing my students have definitely taught me this year is to never ever give up. Never stop fighting. Even if it seems like life is crumbling around you, keep on keeping on. Keep going to school. Keep doing the best you can, even if the best you can is the bare minimum. And sometimes, if you keep trying, you'll improve three grade levels in reading. Every single day I'm proud of my little fighters. Every single day. 

Sure, I've learned lessons like the one above plenty of times from other people in my life; teachers, friends, family members, etc., but with my students...never has the lesson felt so real. 

7. Your teammates will become the 16 siblings you never had.

City Year: an experience you'll love, you'll dislike, you'll value, you'll question, but most of all you'll be inspired by.

~Erin