Asleep.

...is what I should be right now. But I'm not, because my mind is full of too many things. And The Smiths are singing to me and I'm perfectly okay with that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D9ae_hdkUM

(This book and movie changed my life too)

The first thing that's going through my mind is this rough draft of a screenplay I have due on Wednesday afternoon that I'm trying desperately to outline. It's supposed to be for a short film, so like 15ish pages on paper (and that's in script format). But you see, that's where my problem begins, because my mind physically doesn't work in short term; everything I come up with in my head is for either a novel or a long, detailed story...I guess that could be considered a novel but whatever. The point is, I'm having some issues figuring out how I want to do this thing. Now before you ask, I have the storyline and I really don't want to change that. It's basically along the same lines as the story I'm going to turn into a semi-autobiographical novel one day, but again, it can't be a novel. It has to be short. So I was thinking I could take a snippet of my future story and turn that into a script for a short film? Sigh, I don't know.

However, if you'd like to know the storyline I'll gladly tell you (most of it). Let's just say several months ago I created this character in my head and her name is Emily Carver. She's been up there for a while now, and every now and again I find myself thinking as her; if I were to make her come to life in my novel how would she think? How would she act? How would she react? Anyway, if you hadn't guessed, little miss Emily is a slightly more badass version of me. She's smart. She's strong. She's been hurt, but she's not afraid to love. She cares about people, but sometimes she doesn't always know how to show it, or how to tell them. And yet, the person Emily cares for the most is the person who's most far away.

In my novel screenplay, she's going to find her. I just need to figure out how, because again, this isn't a novel. Gah. Frustrations because things that make sense in my head don't make sense on paper...or, on computer screen.

Fuck.

(I am getting way too happy with this strike through line thing...)

I also can't sleep because I'm thinking about the fact that summer "vacation" is only about five weeks away and I still have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going to be. And that's super stressful. Oh, and I put quotes around "vacation," because I honestly can't remember the last time I considered summer to be a vacation, instead of a time that just stresses me the eff out. What is wrong with that picture? Oh well, I guess the best I can do is hope that one day, preferably sooner rather than later, summer will once again be a time for me to relax like all the other kids.

Oh, and I have a job interview tomorrow guys! Er...I guess it's now later today because it's motherfucking 3:12 in the am. It's for a summer position for this organization that basically helps high schoolers (and first generation college students) from low-income backgrounds get ready for college. For those of you who know what Jumpstart is, the organization I spent two years working for, it's basically that but for big kids. I'm really looking forward to the interview; call me crazy, but I actually thoroughly enjoy most job interviews. I know, it's a little weird. If I end up getting hired, I will either be working as a legitimate tutor, or as a residential advisor, aka. the person who schedules the tutoring hours. So, you know, just...

And just to add a 17th thing to discuss on this post, I suppose I should also announce that I got picked to be part of Occidental's Fall 2013 O-Team! aka. Orientation Staff! I'm super excited about it :) Basically, my friend Enoch and I, and several other leaders I'm sure, will be leading and advising a group of transfer/exchange/visiting students, or TEVs for lack of a better word. Enoch was a TEV at Oxy with me last fall, so I'm really excited to work with him :) Just to give you some idea of how exciting it really is, here you go:

 

I think I'm gonna listen to The Smiths now, and actually go to sleep. So good night every one :) Or...good morning to those of you who wish to be smart asses.

~Erin