Endings.

There's always that one time of the year where, no matter what you do, you can never seem to shake that feeling that everything around you is changing. And what is that time of you ask? Why, it's the time of year when school once again comes to a close for the summer. I remember in high school (except for right before graduation) it didn't really feel all that weird, because all of my friends were in the same place, and I could still go home and sleep in the same bed. Really, not all that much changed, besides me no longer going to sit in a classroom for six hours a day. The only thing I was really nervous about was how things were going to change once I entered the next grade. But when another year of college comes to an end, I just feel...weird. It's not like I'm dreading leaving or anything, but you know, once this week is over, I'll no longer live in Chardin Hall, and all of my friends will be scattered about in a handful of different states.

As you can probably imagine, as this school year comes to a close I am experiencing more than just your typical weird feeling. After this week ends, not only will I no longer live in Chardin and have friends scattered in different states, but I will no longer be a student at Seattle University. Holy shit. That pretty much gives a whole new meaning to the word "end." Now, once things end, they end for good. Yes, I'll come back and visit SU next year, probably in January for a week or so, and then a little longer in May, but it won't be the same. I'll no longer know what it feels like to have my entire life revolve around this school and this city. Oh, I haven't told you this yet either - last Thursday (May 31st) was my last day working for Jumpstart in the preschool. The kids are still in school this week but since it's finals' week at SU we're no longer required to go in. The way Jumpstart works is, since it's an AmeriCorps (government) funded program, once we reach 300 hours of service, we have essentially completed a full year's worth of hours, and we get an educational stipend of anywhere from $1,000 to $1,500. So once we're done working in the preschool, we also get the stipend. I think I finished with around 303 hours, which isn't very much over but hey, 300 hours is 300 hours. Anyway, I got to thinking a lot last weekend about my kids, where they'll be a year from now, 10 years from now, and then as adults. I wonder about this life that they're each going to have, and I'm hopeful that each of them finds happiness somehow. But then I think wow, I am never going to see those little munchkins again. Even if I go back and visit the school next year when I'm in Seattle, the kids who will go to kindergarten next fall won't be there, I have no idea where they'll be. I guess I just wish that while they grow up, they'll think about me as often as I'll think about them, but that's definitely wishful thinking. Ah well, I went through this same feeling with regard to my kids last year too, when I finished my first year working for the program. It eventually passes, it's just incredibly unpleasant for about a month or so, and this time I won't have any new munchkins to replace the old ones with next fall.

I should also mention that yesterday (June 4th) was the last day of spring quarter classes. I gotta say, this quarter went by really damn fast. I remember it being January of winter quarter and me just wishing that everything would speed the hell up, but now that it's actually over I am shocked. I didn't mean for it to speed the hell up that fast. Yesterday was the last time I'll set foot in my Lit. classroom. Yesterday was the last time I'll rush out of my room at an early hour to allow myself to buy coffee before my French class. Last Thursday was my last choir rehearsal with the SU choirs at our usual location on campus. Last Thursday was my last day of theology class (which I gotta say was actually not that fun since I had had to pull an all-nighter the night before...) and the last time I'll see Dr. Punsalan (my theology prof. and the coolest Filipino lady ever, besides Arielle of course). Just...ugh. Too many lasts thrown at me at once. Yeah yeah I know, I wanted this, I wanted to leave. I still want to leave don't worry, just all these lasts are hitting me right in the chest like a ton of bricks, and it's literally getting harder to breathe. I so much as think about the fact that in two or three days it'll be at least six months before I see my best friends at SU again and I get a lump in my throat and start to well up. Leaving them will be hard, but I knew that going into this, and I gotta face my feelings. I think in the end, part of the reason why I will be okay at Oxy next fall is because I know that my friends in Seattle will still be there for me no matter what, and I will still have them in my life, just like I still have my best high school friends in my life. I'll always miss them, but you know, that's what phones, Facebook, and Skype are for. Ha.

When I don't think about all of these lasts, or about all the people I'm going to miss, or about the ominous and painful final theology paper I still have to write by Thursday afternoon, I am actually really excited for summer. I am spending it in Oregon and get to live at home with my parents, see my best friends from high school, sleep in my own bed, and snuggle with my dog. Oh yeah and work too, but that doesn't start until early July. Minor detail. And I have to admit, the lack of homework, paper-writing, and studying for two and a half months will be SO NICE. I plan on doing a lot of derping, reading of books that I want, and sleeping. adlnsdnfbldngf so great.

Lastly, just to spice up this entry a little bit so you all don't get too depressed about my inability to deal with some impending changes (that I may or may not have forced upon myself), I am going to leave you with a little photo tutorial of the Oxy campus, for those of you who haven't seen it yet of course. Here goes. It's so prettyyyyyy!

Thorne Hall (music building)

Sky view of the Academic Quad

Academic Quad

Remsen Bird Hillside Theater (Oxy commencement)

Booth Hill courtyard

Branca Patio

Erdman Hall (residence hall)

Patterson Field (football game...MY COLLEGE ACTUALLY HAS A FOOTBALL TEAM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!)

"Water Forms II," a kinetic fountain (this picture is my personal fave) 

Johnson Hall (foreign language departments)

Johnson Hall (view from the Academic Quad)

Johnson Student Center

The Quad outside the Johnson Student Center

Mary Norton Clapp Library

The Anmanson Reading Room in the library

No, I did not take any of these pictures myself (I'm not that much of a creeper...), I got them from this website: http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/occidental-college-1249/photos , do with it what you will.

Anyway, I must bit thee adieu, as I have a meeting with my boss in about 15 minutes...closing paperwork to complete and what not. Next time you hear from me will probably be after school gets out and I'm home in Eugene (this coming Saturday the 9th), so until then people...bye!

~Erin

P.S. But if I do so happen to blog before then, don't judge me. OH MY GOD and watch this movie trailer..."The Perks of Being a Wallflower." SO DAMN EXCITED...September 14th <3

http://www.mtv.com/videos/movie-trailers/787596/the-perks-of-being-a-wallflower.jhtml