I ended up finishing the theology paper I talked about in my last post at around 3:00 Thursday morning, in the good company of my dear friend Andre, who I had again summoned (I seem to do that a lot with him...and hi Andre, yes I know you're reading this...) to motivate me to get shit done/keep me company. I know, I know, great planning on my part. But in all fairness, it wasn't exactly within my planning to procrastinate as much as I did on it, the thing was that it was my very last final and I was already completely done with everything else, so I was just ready to be done, if you know what I mean. I think I worked on that paper for around three-ish hours the night I last blogged, and then about five the next night. It was insane, and if you ask me, that final paper was completely unnecessary anyway! I mean, we had just had a presentation and another paper due the week before, and not to mention the fact that we also wrote three other papers over the course of the term. It's like, whyyyy couldn't the presentation have just been our final? Haven't we demonstrated that we do the readings and pay attention in class well enough already? Gah. Theology professors...I tell you.
After finishing up with schoolwork, it was time to pack. And with packing, came a lot of emotions, most of which came with tears. All throughout the week it was hitting me hard, the fact that that was my last week as a student at Seattle University, with these people, living in this room, being in this city. But Thursday night, man. My roommate Arielle can attest to this, there was much sobbing on Thursday night. That night was Arielle's last before she moved home for the summer, and I think it was right before we decided to go eat dinner when we both just stood at the entrance of our room, looked at each other, then immediately hugged and started sobbing (ugly, ugly tears). I honestly don't think I have cried that hard in a long time, and I certainly hadn't cried in front of her before (and for those of you who don't already know this, I rarely cry in front of anyone). It was good and bad - bad in the aspect that it marked an ending that neither one of us had anticipated would ever get here, but good in that we both needed to get those feelings out. I have always loved that girl as a best friend, but as best friends we've always known that we're going to see each other again and live together again, and this time we didn't have that knowledge, so it was weird, different, and unfamiliar to us. We just stood there as we cried, and eventually Lauren came in the room, so we stopped, and that was that. Earlier that day I had said goodbye to one of my good friends Joe, and then the next day (Friday), more came my way. I ended up having lunch with Nichole which was really nice, and we talked a lot about next year and the way things were going to play out with that, and then you know she gave me instructions as to what to do if I ever see Daniel Radcliffe meandering about in LA next year (
I think I lost it the worst when Arielle left that night. Her checkout appointment time was set for 4pm Friday afternoon, and throughout most of the day her dad had been in the room helping her get all her stuff loaded into the car. After the RA came in and gave her the all-clear to leave, it was finally time to say goodbye to the person who had stood by my side more than anyone else these past two years. I told myself I wasn't going to cry in front of her again, because I would see her again, it just wouldn't be for another six months when I go back to Seattle to visit during my next (and now longer) winter vacation. Lauren and I went down to her car with her, and then her dad took a picture of the three of us together as roommates. We all hugged again and then she was off. I could feel the tears start to well up and my throat get that huge lump as her dad drove off, and once Lauren and I went back upstairs and she went to go check on her laundry, I went and sat on Arielle's now-empty bed and sobbed. I just couldn't believe it - she was gone, and I had done this to myself. It was my fault I wouldn't be seeing her for six months, and it was my fault we would no longer go to school together. Yes, I needed change, but I sacrificed her and I couldn't - I can't - believe I did that. But I had to pull myself together. I could do this, it would just take time. And long distance friendships are not the end of the world; my best friend lives in California right now and I don't love her any less. Yes I always miss her, but now it doesn't hurt as bad, because I gave it time.
*I am just going to take a moment right now and tell you that yes, I am currently crying. I'm gonna go put on some happy music. Brb.*
Okay cool, now I have Train to cheer me up. I adore them, and if you knew what's good for you, you would too. Luckily, I didn't have to say goodbye to Lauren or Andre until later. Andre came and hung out with Lauren and me pretty much all of Friday night, which consisted of dinner here:
(taken with Instagram for super awesome artsy effect)
which had a really cool bathroom sink that looked like this:
Oh yeah, and then we took a walk through downtown because we were so stinking full from dinner and needed to do something to avoid feeling like total fatties. We saw street art that looked like this:
And then these weird-looking statues in Westlake Center that looked like this:
Apparently the statues were a part of this exhibit of all of the various positions people sit and stand in. Kind of like body language, if you will. Andre stayed with us until pretty late, and then (since he had technically moved out the day before) it was time to say goodbye so he could drive home. Since he might come visit me in Eugene later this month, our goodbye wasn't too teary or anything (teary on my part I mean), but I did try to hug him, which proved to be interesting. You see, Andre isn't really the huggy type, which is fine, because I tend to be overly huggy sometimes, so it evens out. And besides, Lauren is determined to make him more huggy next year, and I fully intend on testing that when I see him next January. Ha.
Saturday proved to be an eventful day in that it was officially my last day in Seattle. My mom had come up, and then Lauren and I checked out of our dorm room at 10:20am. My mom and I then helped her carry all of her luggage to the hotel she was staying at that night since her flight didn't leave until Sunday morning, and then we ended up hanging out there with her for about an hour. When it was time to leave her I cried, big crocodile tears. I really don't know how I'm going to go without that girl either; she has been there for me time and time again this year, putting up with my moods, listening to my rambles, and basically just being the best person in the entire world. But again, time. Time heals all wounds, right?
After saying goodbye to Lauren, it was time to get ready for SU's Baccalaureate Mass. Basically what that is is a mass held every year the day before graduation to send off all of the seniors, and every year the SU Chorale sings at it, both hymns and other songs we've worked on throughout the year (typically the ones used at our Lenten Prayer concerts). It went alright this year, but honestly I was already so emotionally fragile that I really just wanted to be done, get out of there, and go home to Eugene. I have one good friend from the choir who was graduating and I was really glad to get to see her and hug her and talk to her one last time, and then I have one other really good friend who was in the choir with me that I was glad to get to see, but other than them I was done. I had said my goodbyes to as many people as I could and I just wanted to get home and start trying to move forward and let the missing run its course. The mass lasted from about 2:30 to 4pm, and I think I teared up a couple of different times throughout, especially during Father Sundborg (SU's president)'s homily. Actually, I think I might end up writing about it on here later so I won't go into full detail about it, but I will tell you that the theme was the past, and using it in order to create a better future. It was really meaningful and I actually found myself paying attention this year, unlike at last year's Baccalaureate and basically all of the other Catholic masses I attend. I mean no offense to all the Catholics out there, because yours is a beautiful religion, it's just that sometimes mass can get a little...repetitive and boring to me. When mom and I finally made it back home to Eugene Saturday night, I'd say it was about 10 or 11pm. We drove the entire way after packing my room in the morning and then attending mass in the afternoon. And mind you, the drive from Seattle to Eugene is about 300 miles, so on a good day it takes about 5 hours, and that's barring traffic. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and not emerge for the next 24 hours, because my bed was safe. I could fall asleep there and dream of anything I wanted. I could dream that I was back in Seattle with Arielle and Lauren, and that it was still March, or May, or any other month that didn't involve sappy goodbyes. I could dream that it was next August and it was the day I was to move to LA and start my new life at Oxy. I could dream that I was with my best friend Bre, or Claryn, or Jana, or Margaret, or anyone here in Eugene who makes me laugh until I can't breathe. In my dreams I could stray away from the scary parts of the change that is coming in my life. I could skip the hard part, and go straight to the easy, or go back to the familiar. But that's not how life works is it? If we could just skip all of the hard parts, we would have no knowledge of the good. And then what would be the good in that? No pun intended...
Since I've been home it's been pretty relaxing. I don't start work until sometime around the 4th of July, so that's nice, getting some time to relax and not have as many responsibilities. Oh and for those of you who don't know yet, I am working on a farm this summer. Yes, a farm. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it on here before, but still you never know. I am looking forward to it, new life experiences and what not. I'll definitely be blogging about it when the time comes, so stay tuned. My best friend Bre left me cookies on my doorstep on Saturday, which I found when I got home and now CAN'T STOP EATING. Gah. But look:
They even came all wrapped up in pink paper! You could definitely say I was tickled. Get it...? Like tickled pink...? Yeah okay.
Well I think I'm going to leave you with that folks. There is more I could say, but I think I've dragged you through this list long enough. Never fear, I will most likely have more lists to share with you throughout the summer, but me thinks this one is long enough. Oh, but you all should listen to this song, and then the entire album.
Drive By - Train
Oh I swear to ya, I'll be there for ya.
This is not a drive by.
~Erin
P.S. Shout out to my cousin Kayla who graduated from Harrisburg High School last Sunday. Congrats cous, and best of luck at O.I.T next fall!! :)
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