Keeping the nerves in check, aka. The first couple days of school.

Keeping the nerves in check. This is all I have been doing for the past two days, but it's okay, because that's normal, right? It's normal to understand that you're in a new situation with new obstacles to overcome, and that you have the right to either be nervous, or do everything in your power to prevent it. I know I said in my previous post that I "defeated" the nerves, but really I think I'm still in that adjusting phase of accepting the reality that I know to be my life here. In terms of classes, to say that I am trying my damnedest to keep my nerves in check is the understatement of the year (which, in all honesty probably doesn't mean very much since it's only January 5th...). Yesterday morning (the 4th) was officially my first day of winter quarter classes, however I waited until today to really write about all of them because one of them I have only on Tuesdays and Thursdays; in short, I don't really think this term will be completely miserable.

Yesterday I went to both Philosophy and French. French, okay if any of you read through my 2011 list you would know that I absolutely adore my French professor, Holly. I think that's because her and I have so many similarities - both shy in certain situations, both a little neurotic, both love to read and write, etc etc. So I pretty much had just as much of an enjoyable time as I did last term, which went very well. Holly spent most of the period chatting about anything from her ridiculous cat, Smudgepot, and her inept ability to draw on a chalkboard, to what the actual course entails. Philosophy on the other hand I can already tell is going to be a little bit of a hand-full. Granted, I'm not much of a philosophy prodigy anyway, but still. Basically the class consists of reading [things like Plato, Kant, Nietzsche, Descartes, and Hume], taking "small" reading quizzes (every class period), a midterm (in-class essay questions), a final (again, in-class essay questions), and a 7-8 page final paper. However, I did take a liking to the professor almost right away, probably because one of the first things he said was that Physics was dumb (no offense to certain friends who may read this), and we get to watch the film The Truman Show in class later this month...apparently it has something to do with whatever we're reading by Descartes...I don't know, but I'm not complaining on that one.

My third and final class, Modern Japan, was today at 6pm. Okay I'm just going to come out and say it: I honestly do not know what the hell I am doing in that class. I mean, I love the professor (she's a total sweetheart, barely 30, from China, and got her M.A/Ph.D from the U of Oregon, wooooo Ducks!), the class (consisting of only eight people including myself) is really tight-knit, and I think I can somewhat half-handle the ominous 12-15 research paper as the final, the only thing is that everyone in there is either a History (with a focus on Asia) or Asian Studies major, or a Japanese minor. Not that that matters too much because I am a History minor and the broadening of horizons is a good thing, but I don't know. Dr. Xia spent quite a bit of time going over the syllabus, and by that I mean she not only went over it, but went really in-depth into it. She would mention something on it, and then ask us questions, like "Why do you think this happened?" or "What could have caused the Japanese to blah blah blah...?" And the majority of the class all had answers! Background knowledge! The most I know of Japan pretty much consists of Pearl Harbor, from the American perspective! Ah well, I managed to come up with some decent answers to generic questions, which seemed to impress her somewhat. At least the questions in the actual lectures will come from the readings assigned. Oh, and one other thing, out of the eight people in the class, six of them are seniors, one is a junior (transfer student), and then there's me, the lonely sophomore. I don't know if that should make me feel smart or just really...out of place.

On the plus side I started back at work in the preschool today and gained a new coworker, who I might add is tall, extremely handsome, amazing with children, AND a baseball player. So many feelings. And I think I will just leave it at that.

~Erin

P.S. If you ever get the chance burn this book, and my copy while you're at it. We love homework?

Lots of firsts.

Current firsts in the life of Erin:

Today: Somehow managed to squash that damn unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach within the first couple hours I was at school. YES. I have defeated you evil nerves.

Tonight: Managed to have a very enjoyable time with very enjoyable people without said unsettling feeling plaguing me, or existing in the back of my mind. I still win, nerves.

Tomorrow: First day of Winter Quarter classes.

...

Okay fine, you win on that one nerves. 

For informational purposes, however, I will inform you of the classes I plan on taking this quarter! Yay.

Philosophy of the Human Person (PHIL 220) - MWF, 9:20-10:45am - Vinod Acharya

French Language V (FREN 225) - MWF, 10:55-12:20pm - Holly Waddell

Modern Japan (HIST 387) - TTh, 6:00-8:00pm - Yun Xia

Women's Chorale (MUSC 133) - MTWThF/Take over life - Joy Sherman

University Chorale (MUSC 130) - MTWThF/Take over life - Joy Sherman

So that's my schedule for the 2012 Winter Quarter. To be totally honest, I'm actually kind of excited for it, but at the same time I'm pretty nervous (hence the above mention). Not so much for French because I had Holly last term, and not so much for choir(s) because I've been in it every single term of my life (said in a loving way), but for everything else, NERVES.  That's normal though, right? That fear of the unknown? That feeling that you're going to die before you even determine the cause of death? Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean. I'm not really the biggest fan of Philosophy; I took one course last year and basically took one look at the book, said f**k you Plato, and went on Sparknotes. Okay that's an exaggeration, but really what I did do wasn't much different. Let's just say skimming was my friend. Ah well, maybe this class will be different. Either that or I could choose to be different and actually put forth an effort to understand the text, and leave out any cursing the names of the authors. Hmm. Nah, I think I'll just stick to the cursing of the names of the authors - it makes life more fun.

Well jolly people, I must bid thee goodnight in anticipation of my first class tomorrow morning. And also I must start the tedious process of turning my [academic] brain back on. So...goodnight!

~Erin

On the road again.

I always get this unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I go back to Eugene for an extended period of time, say for winter or part of summer break, and then leave again. This time, it's for winter break; as it is now coming to a close and classes resume next Wednesday (the 4th), I have once again left Oregon and am now a resident of the Evergreen state. To be totally honest, this feeling I get isn't unsettling in a bad way necessarily, but it definitely grabs my attention. Maybe it's due to the fact that I tend to get way overly attached, to anything really - people, animals, places, things. Growing up, I could never really say that I was overly attached to Eugene; in fact, throughout most of high school, I would spend a lot of my spare time plotting ways to successfully run away and never have to come back. I always thought Eugene to be boring and that it wasn't enough for me, enough to give me happiness. But now that I'm in college, going a school 300 miles from what I am now proud to call my hometown, I often step back and question if my former self was actually completely and utterly wrong. How overly attached am I really to Eugene?

In all seriousness though, I love Seattle. I adore Seattle. The tall, beautiful buildings, the rain (which I prefer over stifling heat, thank you very much), the ferryboats, the everything. And when I finally get settled back into my routine at school, with classes, choir(s), work and homework, I feel good. I feel comfortable. The only time I really don't feel comfortable is when I come back from spending enough time in Eugene to finally start feeling comfortable there again, which is annoying. It makes me feel as though I just get settled into a place, and then I have to pack my life up again. If that makes any sense at all. It's when I get this unsettling feeling that I step back and question whether or not my former self was completely and utterly wrong.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it would be really nice if this unsettling feeling would stop plaguing me right now. It would be really nice if my brain would just let me understand that everything is going to be okay, that I've left Eugene before, and that I can make it on my own. Ugh.

"...beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will too." - Birdie Pruitt, Hope Floats


*le sigh*


BUT NOW, for your viewing pleasure, and to spice up this blog with a little positivity, (haha), here are some shots of Seattle that I've taken throughout the past year. No matter what I may say or think at times (or in the paragraphs written above), a part of me will always feel at home in the lovely Emerald City.

La ville est belle et bonne.


~Erin

La Nouvelle Année!

Happy New Year, folks! Anyone make any exciting resolutions? Believe me, I am curious! I don't know, but for some reason I am more determined this year to make mine come true; it's not like I wasn't determined in the past, but I have decided that this year is going to be the year where that determination shows. There is just so much to do and so many places to see, so why not go see them? This year is going to be a year of taking chances (after all, we're all going to die on December 21, right? Ha yeah...sure.), a year of breaking bad habits, a year of change, and I, personally, am excited to find out what exactly the future holds.

So yay! I hope everyone had a fantastically safe night. I spent mine with my good friend Haley, watching this

drop on the TV, then toasting to the new year with a nice glass of champagne non-alcoholic sparkling cider. Happy 2012!

~Erin

2011 lists and such.

Since it is now officially the last day of the year, I have decided (after being given the idea) to make a list - a list of 100 things I was grateful for having done in 2011. To be totally honest, this has always been something I've wanted to do, I've just always been a little too lazy...so as I sit here on my couch watching Miss Congeniality (one of my all time favorites), I am going to become slightly more productive and finally make my list. Here goes!

100 things I was grateful for having done in 2011
1. Continued my college education at Seattle University - as difficult as it was (and still is), I will forever be grateful for my education.
2. Gone to Boston in March.

3. Rekindled an old relationship with an old family member in Boston.
4. Kept my relationships with my best friends from high school strong - Bre, Claryn, Jana, Margaret, Alicia, and Haley, I love you guys.
5. Spent the summer working in Yellowstone National Park - as difficult as it was at times, it was an experience worth having.

6. Decided to continue learning French as a second language.
7. Changed my major from History to French, and dropped History to a minor (because I just couldn't give it up).
8. Stuck with choir - as time consuming as it is, I can't imagine my life without singing, and without the Seattle University Chorale and Women's Chorale.
9. Gone to the University of Oregon/Stanford football game in Palo Alto with my dad in November - him and I don't have the strongest relationship, we don't talk as much or do as many things together as I would like, so this was nice, just spending some time him and me.

10. Had my first real relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
11. Auditioned for my first solo in choir.
12. Sang my first solo in choir.
13. Worked for an organization that helps disadvantaged pre-school kids, aka. discovered how much I actually adore small children. By the way, I still work for this organization, it's amazing.
14. Became an auntie (sort of) to the cutest baby boy in the world in December.

15. Visited the Salem Witch Museum in Salem, MA - I had always dreamed of going there ever since I was a little girl (Hocus Pocus is one of my favorite movies, okay?), and it was just as cool as I'd imagined.

16. Gone on road trips in Yellowstone with some friends from work over the summer.
17. Gone on a disastrous road trip to Salt Lake City with said friends from work over the summer - to sum it up, we had car problems, lodging problems, transportation problems, sickness problems, towing problems, just everything problems. But in the end we realized that we did all we could to hold it together and get back home alright; we worked together to make sure everything and everyone was alright. It was an unforgettable experience, I guess you could say.

18. Pulled my first-ever college all-nighter and survived (probably because my friend and I baked brownies at 4AM). I have actually pulled a grand total of two now.
19. Figured out who my real friends are at Seattle University, and realized that I am more than perfectly okay with the results.
20. Decided on a study abroad program for the 2012-2013 school year.
21. Began the application for the Seattle University French-In-France (in Grenoble, FR) study abroad program, for the 2012-2013 school year.

22. Saw the last Harry Potter movie in theatres. Twice.

23. Discovered that my all time favorite book The Perks of Being a Wallflower is being made into a movie, with basically all of my favorite actors in it.

24. Read the novel Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult - if you haven't read it, seriously READ IT. It's so powerful and meaningful and beautiful and pretty much anything ending in -ful.

25. Experienced my first severe thunderstorm (in the middle of the night) while living in Wyoming (Yellowstone) over the summer - it was dark, loud, rainy, and extremely windy, aka. I was convinced I was going to die.
26. Experienced living with someone who took extreme pleasure in destroying my self-esteem through emotional attacks with my mental health intact.
27. Ate bison meat for the first time - as adorable as I think they are, their meat is to die for.

28. Went to a school dance with some of the greatest people ever and actually felt like I looked pretty for the first time in a long time.

29. Saw (and met) the cast of MTV's The Buried Life when they came and spoke at my school in October.

30. Tasted Huckleberry-flavored wine for the first time - delicious.
31. Made homemade Christmas presents for my friends.
32. Gone to a Seattle Mariners baseball game in April.
33. Gotten an actual tan over the summer - who would have thought that living 8,000 feet closer to the sun would help a naturally pale-as-a-ghost person get a tan? It actually lasted until November.
34. Gone on a weekend retreat to Vachon Island, WA with the Seattle University Chapel choir in February - this little choir I sing with on Sunday mornings at Mass is one of the greatest ever; greatest liturgical music, greatest people, greatest times.

35. Kept strong relationships with my extended family - I love them more than they will ever know.

36. Gone on late night walks with good friends from school - it clears the mind.

37. Gone on walks with my dog, Addie - it may seem simple, but I enjoy all the time I get to spend with my pets (I have a cat too, Sadie).

38. Started listening to Mumford & Sons' music religiously - it's so meaningful and amazing.
39. Started wearing dresses more often - I don't know, for some reason they give me a minuscule boost of confidence.
40. Planned a summer 2012 Disneyland trip with my wonderful roommate Arielle - we are determined to make it happen.

41. Gotten my hair cut in layers for the first time in my life. Me likey.
42. Spent a lot of quality time with my old voice coach (from high school) over winter break - she is one of my favorite people ever.
43. Continued learning German as a third language - it is very unique and therefore disgustingly hard, but I am determined.
44. Flown on an airplane all by myself (no parents, no travel group, no nothing) for the first time when I went to Boston in March.

45. Turned 19 [and thus completely legal in the Canadian province of British Columbia]. Yay?
46. Decided not to come back home and transfer to the University of Oregon for the remainder of college. As much as I love Eugene, it's probably better that I moved on to Seattle.
47. Started looking at Graduate schools/programs for French.
48. Started making a list of Grad. schools I'm most interested in - the list so far: Boston College, Brown, NYU, UCLA, USC.
49. Dropped a jean size.
50. Developed a proper vibrato in my singing voice.
51. Survived taking a class where the professor did not like me and I did not like him - needless to say it was a long quarter.
52. Gained a mentor in my Fall Quarter 2011 French professor - Holly, I like you, and it's nice to know you care.
53. Drove all the way from Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming to Eugene, Oregon and did not die of boredom or tumbleweed poisoning.
54. Made baby blankets for two of the greatest babies ever.
55. Wore a two-piece swimsuit over the summer and didn't feel completely self-conscious.
56. Saw Don Quichotte (the French version of Don Quixote) by the Seattle Opera in February.

57. Swam underneath a waterfall (Moose Falls) in Yellowstone over the summer - so scary.

58. Visited some old teachers from my high school in May.
59. Gone to my first ever costume party with some coworkers in Yellowstone.
60. Let loose my alter ego for said party and dressed a little more provocatively than I normally do - okay, just kidding, my friend made me. But still, it took guts on my part.
61. Lived with three of my good friends, Arielle, Lauren and Katie, during school.
62. Saw the movie 50/50 in theaters - so powerful; no movie has ever made me laugh and cry so hard.

63. Watched a little boy from work finally write his name for the first time - I have never been so proud.
64. Continued the tradition of frosting Christmas sugar cookies with my best friends from high school.

65. Had Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice marathons with one of my best friends - we're notorious for those.
66. Been taught some Spanish by one of my little three-year-olds at work - she's smarter than me.
67. Made friends from other countries besides the United States - thank you Yellowstone.

68. Discovered Fanfiction - don't judge.
69. Been so addicted to Fanfiction that I read two 30-40 chapter stories in one day.
70. Began documenting my dreams, or what I can remember of them at least.
71. Discovered Kelly Clarkson's newest album "Stronger" - she is one my all time favorite singers/songwriters.

72. Gone on a camping trip to the Oregon coast with Bre, Margaret and Jana last summer - such a memorable trip.

73. Managed to not get a "C" on my college transcript - we'll see how that ends up next year.

74. Visited Astoria, OR for the first time with my mom in August - they filmed The Goonies there, by the way.

75. Visited Rockport, MA in March - they filmed The Proposal there, by the way.

76. Done a choral recording with the Seattle University Choirs that lasted until 1AM [for the Lenten Prayer concert music] - who would have thought that the building we hold that concert in wouldn't be compatible with recordings, so we would have to do the concert essentially twice, once for the actual thing, once to make a recording. It was amazing, however. SU Choirs rock.

77. Gone to Quadstock '11 in May with some of my best friends - a concert held each year by Seattle University, where a handful of groups perform.

78. Cooked an actual dinner without burning or ruining anything - and it actually tasted good.

79. Received "A's" on five out of the seven assigned papers for my Fall Quarter history class.

80. Picked out the 2011 Christmas tree with my mom.

81. Gone Christmas caroling with my Eugene church family.

82. Bought a pair of TOMS - with every pair bought, another pair is donated to a child in a third-world country.

83. Visited Jackson Hole, Wyoming for the first time and attempted to stalk Harrison Ford.

84. Experienced snow while at the coast - Massachusetts, you are special.

85. Had coffee with my favorite teacher from high school.

86. Gone to my high school's Christmas choir concert and reminisced.

87. Given up desserts for Lent and succeeded.

88. Been able to study in the University of Washington Suzzallo library on a regular basis, even though I don't go to the University of Washington - have you seen their library? It's basically Hogwarts.

89. Taken my roommate Lauren home with me to Eugene for a weekend in May - we had too much fun on the train ride down.

90. Hiked the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone over the summer.

91. Had my grandparents visit me at school in Seattle.

92. Made Christmas ornaments for my cousin's then-unborn son over Thanksgiving break, aka. family craft night.

93. Sang the Soprano I descant for O' Come All Ye Faithful at this years' SU Choirs Christmas concert in December - anyone who knows me knows I am a natural Alto; Soprano takes work.

94. Picked out a design for my first tattoo - I plan on getting it on my right foot next spring. 

95. Saved up enough money to go back to Boston in March of 2012.

96. Learned [the hard way] that procrastination is not the key to success.

97. Learned to really appreciate what I have.

98. Understood more what it meant to love with one's whole heart.

99. Learned to more often think of others before myself.

100. Learned to let go of all the negative things in my life.

Well, there you have it. Happy 2012 everyone!

~Erin