If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

Such is what I have been telling myself for the past, oh I don't even know how long. Don't even ask me why, but lately it just seems like everything in my life is so up in the air (for the first time), and it's a little bit unsettling. I mean yeah, I know that college is supposed to be this oh so amazing time in your life where you get to explore/try out new things and be whoever you want to be. In my case, supposed is the operative word. I have always, and I mean always been the kind of person who knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, and how she wanted it; it's comforting, to know (or at least have some idea of) where you're going to be living a year from now, or what you're going to be doing 10 years down the road. It's the "easy way," I guess you could say (hey, a rhyme...), and for all of my life, the "easy way" is the only way I've ever known.

But now, but now...the "easy way" seems to be slipping further and further away, and that's scary for me. It makes me feel like I'm not in control of my own life, and I really don't like that feeling. Then again, who really is in control of their own life at this age? I could say that I am, but then I think: Who is paying for the majority of my college? My parents. Who is in control of what goes on my transcript, essentially defining what kind of person I am inside the classroom? My professors. Who influences each and every decision I make in my life? My family. And who makes it impossible to get a remotely decent job anymore without a college degree? Society. So tell me, where do I fit into any of this. Sure, I am the one up studying all the late nights. I am the one who ultimately will make the decisions regarding my future, but are those the right ones? I guess these are the questions I have been asking myself lately. I actually have a confession to make, while we're on this topic and being totally honest here. You know how I worked in Yellowstone National Park last summer for a few months? Well while I was there I met a plethora of different people from all areas of the country (and world), some being college students like me, some being retired and looking for something exciting out of life, and some just these completely spontaneous, fun-loving people who were just looking to enjoy life and not worry about where they were going or how they were going to get there. They just lived. They didn't necessarily know where they were going to be sleeping a year from now, or where they would be 10 years down the road, and I was jealous of that. I was jealous of all of their spontaneity, and lack of fear. I wished I could be like them, not having to worry about being back in school in the fall, doing what everyone tells me to do. Does that make sense?

Oy. That was a lot of complaining back there, I am just realizing. Sorry. Wait no, I'm actually not...this is my blog and I will complain all I want to. Just kidding. But anyway, I wish this month would hurry up and be over with, I am tired of not knowing anything. I would like my future to be a colorful area, rather than a grey one. More specifically, something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbzJ0R9Q-h8
(I won't tell you the title of the link, you must go watch for yourselves ;))

Now is that too much to ask?!

~Erin

And now because I am feeling sentimental and I do in fact live in Seattle (or just the northwest in general), I am going to meet my hipster quota for the day and post a bunch of photos that reflect the way I'm feeling. Go me.

(Just for kicks because it's pretty)

Aaaaand I'm out.