Inappropriate Tumblr.

So for those of you who have a Tumblr blog and/or just stalk random people's Tumblrs from time to time, you would know what I'm talking about when I tell you that sometimes people post Q and A things (to their own blog) for their followers to ask them, so that they can A said Q's (on their own blog). And you would also know what I'm talking about when I tell you that sometimes said Q and A's are slightly inappropriate because let's face it, Tumblr folk are a special bunch who live in a bubble where everything is like, asdfghjkjkghsf, or:

(OMG WHAT GIFS WORK ON BLOGSPOT MY LIFE IS FOREVER CHANGED)

Well tonight, dear readers, I am in a very interesting/good mood, and it's late, so I decided to enlighten you all with a slightly inappropriate Tumblr survey, on my blogspot. I know right, go crazy. So here goes.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
-Well, considering that person was one of my best girlfriends from high school, that would be a negatory. I may bee bi-curious, but I'm not that bi-curious.

*For those of you who don't know/never learned the difference, bi-curious does not mean bi-sexual (not that being bi-sexual is a bad thing at all). For me it just means that I am 99.9% straight, but there are times when I ever so slightly entertain the thought of what it would be like to be with a woman...like that.*

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
-HAHAHAHAHA. No. That hasn't happened for several months. I did however, talk about him today...that seems to happen more often than not these days, and it's kind of making me feel more and more like this:

Wooooohoooooo

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

-Ha no.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

-Umm...yes, actually. There's been some stuff that's happened in my recent past that has made me lose about 90% of the trust I had in some people. I guess it just depends on the person. To me, to say you trust a person with your life is a lot different than saying that you really trust them. I mean, I believe saving another person's life is just human nature. You see a person in danger, your first instinct (I hope) is to do whatever you can to help them (or at least that would be my first instinct). So that person could trust me to save their life. But trusting a person to save your life is a lot different than trusting them to keep your secrets, never hurt you, never keep things from you (that could hurt you), or be there for you when you feel like everything around you is completely falling apart, because none of those things are exactly human nature - they are dependent upon how a person was raised to interact with others. The people who I have lost about 90% of my trust in, I would still trust with my life, but will never again trust them never to hurt me. If that makes any sense...maybe it's just me. But you get what I'm trying to say, right?

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

-Well, seeming how I don't really like anyone like that right now, no. *refer back to question 2*

6. What are you excited for?

-The future, OCCIDENTAL, getting to spend time with my extended family who is in Eugene visiting from Michigan this week, work (driving Greta), PAYCHECKS BECAUSE MONEY STRESSES ME THE FUCK OUT, and some other stuff.

7. What happened tonight?

-I actually had a very lovely evening tonight. First, I had dinner with my family (mom's side) at my grandparents' house, and by family I mean my grandparents (duh), mom, cousins McKenna, Kayla, Becca, and Emily, and aunts Sandy and Sheila. Then McKenna, Kayla, Emily and I went to Sweet Life (a bakery in downtown Eugene) and splurged on more chocolate than my hips will be able to handle in the morning. Then the four of us went back to my grandparents' house and sat in the living room with Aunt Sheila and my grandma and talked for two hours about just about everything. 

*Just an fyi and so I don't have to explain later, my Aunt Sheila and cousin Emily live in Michigan and are visiting Eugene for the week and staying at my grandparents' house. Aunt Sheila is my mom's younger sister, and if she knew I was writing this, she would probably tell me to say she is my mom's cooler younger sister (since she has two younger sisters) or something like that...oh so hilarious. I wish she and Emily lived closer.*

8. Do you think it's disgusting when girls get really wasted?

-That depends. Getting wasted is not really my thing, but I'm not one to judge if other girls want to do that to their livers. I just don't want to be the one cleaning up the vomit the next morning.

9. Is confidence cute?

-That also depends. It's good to be confident in who you are and in what you do/want to do/believe in, but confidence to the point of cockiness is just a complete turn-off. You can be confident without thinking yourself to be better than everyone else, because I hate to tell you this, you're not. Also it really bugs me when people are overly confident about stuff that they are clearly wrong about - i.e. a political or religious issue, or I don't know, think of something else that's controversial - and I don't mean wrong because I think they're wrong, I mean wrong because actual facts already proved them wrong and they're just too ignorant to realize that.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

-Dragonfruit flavored VitaRain. It's kind of like Vitamin Water and it's calorie free and it's got lots of vitamins and shit in it, hence the name. It's actually in my line of sight right now and I am contemplating taking another sip.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

-Not many. My best friend Andre is actually the first to come to my mind; he is probably the only person I actually trust with completely everything.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

-Yes I do! I either roll them up so they turn into capri's, or I have them rolled all the way down and wear my boots over them. They're super comfortable, if I do say so myself.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

-Hmm I actually don't know yet. But I heard rumor that I might be going to the Woodburn Outlet Mall Saturday day, so that has a lot of potential to be fun/painful for my wallet.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

-Probably gas for my car.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

-Not anymore.

16. Do you think you'll change in the next 3 months?

-Oh yes, but hopefully for the better. And hopefully within that time I will find more inner peace of mind.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

-That is actually a tough question, because the number of people in life who I can really talk to about anything has been decreasing lately. But there are a few people who come to mind. Again, Andre (except for when he gives me the judgmental face...yes Andre you do know what I'm talking about...), and then my best friend Bre, my former roommate Lauren, and then my friend Kate.

18. The last time you felt broken?

-Hmm I answered this one on Tumblr too, albeit more in-depth. This summer. Too many internalized thoughts, not enough places to let them out (those places are decreasing too).

19. Have you had sex today?

-Nooooo no no, goodness no.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

-Oh yes. That I am really looking forward to the future, that I love my extended family to pieces, that I really love my summer job working on a farm, and that I really do not like the aftertaste of peas.

~Erin

P.S. Listen to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qvwq8ecDwM

Katharine McPhee's voice speaks to my soul. And I am obsessed with this show (NBC's Smash), which is unfortunate because next season doesn't start until next February. Crap. Oh yeah, and my other current show obsession is ABC's Once Upon a Time, so like, go watch that one too and stuff. Lana Parrilla (Evil Queen from Snow White) is my new[est] girl crush. It is 2:12am, what is my life.

July.

That's how many days it's been since I started my summer job as a combine driver on a field. Actually, multiple fields. I apologize profusely for the lack of updates this month, but said lack of updates only occurred because of how gosh dang busy I have been these past couple of weeks. I know right, busy?! As compared to a couple of posts ago when all I could do was complain about the lack of shit I had to do?! Yeah, I guess you should be surprised at that. Let me just start at the beginning of my busy couple of weeks, and tell you about the goings on in my life. (Side note: The job started during the second week, so first I will tell you about how I spent the 4th of July).

So on a whim (meaning like a week beforehand), I decided it would be a good idea to spend the 4th of July, and most of that week, up in Seattle with some friends from school. And that's just what I did. After a heated argument or two with my parents and some tears on my part due to reasons I probably shouldn't specify on here because I can't stop people from reading it, I ended up driving myself up to Washington the Sunday before the 4th, and then going back to Eugene on the day after. I stayed at my former roommate/best friend Arielle's parents' house with her in Everett (just north of Seattle), and then on the actual holiday we went into the city and spent alllllllll day meandering about Gas Works Park, waiting for the fireworks show to start over Lake Union. As I'm sure most of you who live in the Northwest know, every year the city of Seattle hosts a fireworks show, setting them off from a huge boat resting on Lake Union. They usually televise the 15-minute-long show on like the Northwest News channel (if you live in Eugene I think it's somewhere in the 40s...) , but I gotta say from personal experience, being there and experiencing the real thing is SO MUCH BETTER than watching it on TV, as I have done in years past. First of all, here was the view from where we were sitting:

Yeah, it was pretty awesome. Let me just note though that this picture was taken around noon, and the fireworks show didn't start until 10. So in order to get this view, we had to get to the park 10 hours before it actually started, and wait in line to get into the park. Good times. Oh sorry, and by we I mean Arielle, Andre, me, and then some of our other school friends joined us late in the afternoon, Haya, Valerie and Sammy. The nice thing about this event however was that even though we had to wait 10 hours, the city made the entire day an actual event in that there was a ton of stuff to do around the park, as well as a ton of food...

LIKE BLUE RASPBERRY/WATERMELON SHAVED ICE. Ahhh, so much greatness in one little summertime food. To give an example of some of the activities that were out there, here is a zip line. Or should I say zip-let line...it wasn't very big. Ha.

Zip-line

View from the top of the zip-line

Arielle and I went on it together...it was kind of like a 10 second thrill (and yes, that's what she said, you immature people...or maybe that's just me...). Once it got later in the evening we pretty much just chilled in our camping spot and waited.

L to R: Sammy, Arielle, Haya, Valerie, Andre

L to R: Sammy, Arielle, Haya, Me, Andre

As we waited, the view just got better and better.

The STILL ORANGE Space Needle

Sunset. Favorite

The lovely Queen Anne

Aaaaand then the show finally started, accompanied by some ass holes who decided to show up last minute and sit in the walk pathways right in front of us.

These pictures don't even do it justice. The entire show was just spectacular, so many colors, songs, people, magic. I loved every minute of it, and it was so worth the 10 hour wait. And I just spent a solid 20 minutes trying to upload a video...that failed. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and I really hope I get to do it again next year. Same show, same good friends, same everything.

The rest of the trip to Seattle was pretty good. When I got up there Monday afternoon (I spent Sunday night in Olympia with the grandparents), the first thing I did was stop by Seattle University. What was I doing back at school you ask? Well, first I visited some friends who were either taking summer classes or working on campus over the summer, AND I ran into my old French professor Holly. That was an unexpected pleasant surprise :) But second, I withdrew. Yep, I withdrew from Seattle University on Monday July 2, 2012. So I guess when I say I was "back at school," I should have said "back to my old school." Hmm...You know, when I got back to Eugene for the summer about a month ago, it took me a solid couple of weeks to stop the almost constant tears that made their way to my eyes every time I thought about my best friends from SU. Once they stopped I thought to myself, I'm always going to miss these people, but maybe now my body is telling me that everything is going to be okay, that I will always have them in my life in some way, shape, or form. Honestly, when I decided to go to SU and withdraw on that particular Monday, I sort of anticipated those crying feelings to come back. Kind of like being back there would make me miss everything and everyone all over again. Yet when I went back, there really was no sad feeling that came with it, at least not the one I expected. I was really happy to get to see the people that I saw again, but I mean after those short little reunions, I was able to give myself closure, and easily. As a whole, I will miss handfuls of people at SU, but I will not miss SU. I had my share of awesome and fantastic memories up there, but I also had my share of heartache, loneliness, and embarrassment, and I spent a lot of time overall just being overwhelmed. But when I left campus on that particular Monday, I was finally able to let all of that go. And that felt good. So, so long SU, and your nasty memories. I will cherish the good forever, but now I can finally let go of the bad.

On Tuesday the 3rd, Arielle gave me the grand tour of Everett, Washington. I gotta say, I have never in my life seen so many gated or labeled communities. But I guess that's the suburbs for you right? Ha. Overall, it was a pretty town. Once you get off of I-5, to get to Arielle's house, you literally have to go through the puckerbrush for about three miles, and if you don't know where you're going, you could swear you're not actually in a town at all because of all the dang evergreen trees. I got to see Arielle's high school (Jackson), middle and elementary schools, and then we spent a lot of time chilling out in the UW bookstore at the strip mall doing two things: 1. Reading through NCLEX/GRE prep. books for our impending exams in the next couple years and having silent panic attacks, and 2. Laughing our asses off (next to the children's section accidentally...) while reading to one another little snippets of 50 Shades of Grey. Oh my God. That book. If only that author knew what real smut is like...I mean, what?

Okay, that's probably enough about the 4th of July week. Now, onto the job. I started combining last Monday, the 9th, so again six days ago. I gotta say, the first day was as intimidating as all hell. I of course didn't have to drive one right away, first my boss had me sit in the cab with Kyle, one of the other drivers, while he drove and explained all of the buttons and switches and stuff to me. My first thought: THERE ARE SO MANY FUCKING BUTTONS. Now I think: There really aren't so many buttons, so long as you know which ones to push, and which ones not to push...After riding with Kyle for a couple hours, he had me drive on my own, with him in the passenger's seat. I admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going be, and I didn't break anything, which was good. The only issue I had was the speed, and getting it to go at the exact number my boss wanted (which is usually anywhere from like 2.7 to 3.2mph. SPEEEEEEED DEMONNNNN).....................yeah. Oh, and it took me a little while to get used to the fact that the speed is controlled by a lever that's to my right hand side, and not with a pedal on the ground. Now however, I am really used to that right hand lever, and the petal on the ground in my car is freaking me out a little bit. Great. For the second half of my first day I spent about half of that time riding in/driving the other combine on the field we were on with Tassia (Tash), because apparently since Tash was going to start driving the bailer (hay) the next day, I needed to learn how to drive her combine. Hers was a little newer, so it was A LOT easier to maneuver. For one, the computer inside with all of the data and stuff about the machine was a touch screen, with really easy to read numbers, and another thing, the lever controlling the speed was a lot less sensitive, so I could control my speed a lot better. Ever since the second half of last Monday, I have driven that combine, and as of now, I love her. Yes, her. I did in fact name her: Greta. How did I come up with that name you ask? Well, I don't really know, but when you sit in a huge machine by yourself all day, you get to talking and after a while I guess you just start talking to the machine I'm not crazy. So why not give her a name? It's a lot easier to talk to someone (or something) when they have a name. Here is a couple of pictures of Greta for you:

She's the one in the back

And here are some pictures I took of some of the land we combine.

These pictures are in both Brownsville and Harrisburg (I haven't been down to Creswell yet). They don't really do it much justice either, because the landscape does get really pretty (or at least that's what I like to think since I have to spend so much time out there. Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, here's a picture of my jeans right after I gave Greta a nice greasing at like 8:30 in the morning.

Yeah okay from this angle it doesn't look that bad, but the lower half of my pants were damaged too. Ha. 

Other than work now, not much else has been going on, at least not a lot that I can really elaborate on a ton, unfortunately, because again, I can no longer control who all reads this. I can say however, that I have been pretty stressed lately, and I am more than happy to tell you about it if you ask me privately. It's mostly been about a few things: 1. Money, 2. Time off work, 3. Money, 4. Stuff I can't mention on here, and 5. Money. Last Thursday night was probably the worst in terms of how much all of this is eating at me. It was one of those nights I really just wanted to be in a dark room alone with my head, because if I wasn't, let's just say it would have been ugly. Lucky for me though, I have recently sought comfort in an old friend from SU who, let's just say I have a lot more in common with her than I first thought. We've talked a little bit over the past week and she has helped me a lot, just by being willing to listen, and by telling me that I'm strong for not letting my demons that are still with me today (and are currently being exacerbated) define who I am. I very much appreciate and love you, K. You are the strong one. And here's a little tip for you all that I've been telling myself, thanks to K: Do not let anyone tell you that your stresses are inadequate. You have the right to feel what you feel, and you're better than anyone who tells you otherwise.

"Remember that you are a strong and wonderful woman! And never forget that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Everyone on this earth deserves to be happy, including you! Do whatever it takes to get there!"

And that's all I got. Random last-minute self-help sesh.

~Erin