Wonderful and difficult.

Given that within the past (almost) six months I have struggle-bussed my way through several diverse classes, dealt with a few things in between, traveled near and far (within the United States, mind you), graduated from college, made plans for the summer, AND sort of maybe became somewhat of a nearly functional adult in the form of signing my first apartment lease in Los Angeles (yikes), I figure it's about time for another blog post.

First thing's first, HI EVERYBODY!

I never really know how to write about something that's both wonderful and difficult at the same time, because I can never think of a creative way to describe it...aside from both wonderful and difficult. If you hadn't already guessed, that's kind of how the past six months have been for me. 

I've learned so many lessons throughout 2014 it's kind of insane. To name a few:

1. Challenging yourself is a GOOD thing.

Last semester, I decided on a whim to, instead of register for the Spanish 101 (aka. easy A) class like everyone told me to do (because hey it's your senior spring enjoy yourself!!!!!!), register for a Narrative Journalism class. Journalism, as in the type of writing I have absolutely no experience in. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

For those of you who know me, you would also know that becoming a published novelist is my dream. Fictional writing is my favorite thing in the world, and the one thing I've always been good at, been given constant praise for, and can spend hours doing without ever getting bored. As of late it seems like stories are constantly churning in my mind; I meet someone and immediately I'm like, okay, how could I take your story and create something new out of it. 

Anyway, because I love (fictional) writing so much, it seemed like a good idea at the time to broaden my horizons and learn a new way to make words dance on a page, and to tell a story. 

In short, that class was the most unorganized, discouraging environment I had been in in a long time. The professor - an established journalist who, forgive me, was already pretty wealthy and seemed like he agreed to teach the course if only to earn an extra $6000 instead of actually motivate young, aspiring journalists - would consistently tell us we were "unworthy" whenever we had a guest speaker come in (typically someone from the LA Times or Playboy Magazine, etc.) to answer our questions. Assignments were extremely unorganized, and, to be blunt, it was a bit of a shit show. The final project for the class - a 1500-word profile on a person of our choice - was really the only thing the professor emphasized in terms of graded work. He graded us harshly on drafts, which I admit was a good thing - otherwise how would we improve? - but when I say harshly, I mean like C's and D's, even though a good chunk of us had never had any journalistic experience before. 

*SIGH*

Needless to say, I got the worst grade I've ever received in that class. HOWEVER, I was also exposed to a style of writing that does not come easily to me. After meeting with the subject of my profile and speaking with her for a few hours, I found that I couldn't just go home, sit at my computer, and write about her for hours and hours...at least not in the way this professor wanted me to. Could I make up a story about how, one morning she woke up ten minutes before the start of her first class, stumbled out the door and down the stairs of her apartment and tripped over one of her untied shoelaces as she brushed a strand of frizzy hair away from her face, forcefully pushing open the classroom door? Sure. Was that the truth? Not so much. (Actually I should probably mention that my subject got an award at the end of the term for never once being late to a class.............). 

Throughout this mess of a course I gained a certain level of respect for journalists - people who work for newspapers that expect them to produce a well-written article every week or every day, or people who work for magazines where they have to constantly be interviewing and then vomiting out responses and dialogue. 

Believe it or not, it's actually a super hard thing to do.

Of course, I also learned that I never want to have anything to do with journalism ever again. But now at least I can say I tried, and instead of just going for the easy A I confronted the unknown or whatever...at least that's what my friend said. Although she could have just said that to stop me from wigging out too much, you never know. And hey, at least I know who to thank first on my list of acknowledgements in my first novel - Professor Sipchen, thank you - so much - for teaching me the true meaning of failure and how to overcome it.

Anyone else want me to write a profile on them? Form an orderly queue, gents.

2. "Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together."

2014 has brought me some amazing new friends and allowed me to reconnect with certain people who I'm sorry I ever lost touch with in the first place, and for that I feel extremely grateful and fortunate. 

Growing up, I had always thought I knew the "true meaning of friendship" - who I wanted to be as a friend and the kinds of people I wanted to be friends with. Yet there was always a part of me that wanted to be a part of the "it" crowd; the "popular girls," or the girls who seemed to have their shit together 110 percent of the time. There was always a part of me that valued quantity over quality, and I think it's taken until around now for me to fully realize how wrong I was; quality is so much more important than quantity. Popularity means nothing if you don't wake up every morning happy with who you are, and walk through life treating everyone you meet with respect and feel respected in return.

2014 has also brought me the worst break-up of my life. A lot of tears, heartache, and hasty late-night messaging (read: fighting) back and forth. Who is this mystery man I've never spoken of, you may ask? Well, first of all it wasn't a man, and it wasn't a boyfriend. It was a girl; a best friend. I'll spare you all the gruesome details, but basically when you put together two people with completely different ideas of what friendship means, one person who abhors any and all forms of confrontation, and another who emotionally attaches themselves to anything with a pulse, you can pretty much guarantee it's going to end up a mess at some point. 

Needless to say, I'm not 100 percent innocent. I did and said some things that were completely out of character for me; she showed me her true colors, and I made some mistakes. But if I've learned anything throughout this debacle that ultimately lasted about four months, it's that your mistakes do not define you. Your character is not equal to your mistakes. Own up to them of course, but if people can't move on, if all they can do is tear you apart (in ten sentences or less) and bring up the same argument over and over again, they do not deserve to be in your life. You can't change the past; the only thing you can change is where you go from here, and what you do in your daily life. Apologize, ask what you can do to make it better, and if they refuse to answer, talk it out with you, or forgive you, that's no longer on you. Part of solving conflict is having the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand where they're coming from, and even if you don't understand why you're doing it, apologize anyway. 

For the longest time I had no idea how I was going to go on living without this friend in my life. What would I do if I couldn't hear her laugh every day, or message her secretly in the middle of class, whining about how much of a dick my professor was being? I needed her so much, but the feeling wasn't reciprocated, and that took quite a while to move past. 

Then one day I realized, I didn't need her anymore. I had moved on, and I didn't even know it.

She left my life just in time for more amazing people to enter it, and looking back, I don't think I would have as strong of friendships with these people if I had remained so emotionally invested in a relationship that was, in a way, destined for failure from the get go. I know that sounds really harsh and pessimistic, but I honestly don't know of another way to explain it. To my best friends, and every single positive influence in my life - it's you all who keep me out of my dark place. I get to thinking of all that I've lost, but it's because of you all that I'm able to pause, and realize just how much I've gained.

3. Take some risks.

One thing I've definitely done this year (both intentionally and unintentionally thanks to a spur of the moment conference in Indiana), is taken the time to travel. By the end of 2014, I will be able to count on at least two hands the number of places I went that I'd never been to before.

February: Indianapolis, Indiana

Western/Midwestern Greek Conference 2014

March: Northampton/Boston, Massachusetts
Spring Break 2014
Yeah I've already been to Boston before but who cares

Pauline looked good...I looked like I'd been traveling for 22 hours. Oh wait...

Back to Boston

First grad. school tour: MA in Publishing & Writing at Emerson College

May: Las Vegas, Nevada

Senior Week 2014, aka. the week leading up to graduation

The master bathroom of an MGM Grand Penthouse Suite. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks it's super weird that there's a TV in there. As much as I love Castle, I don't really need to watch it while I pee.

$6.05. I had to brag.

Oh yeah and I'm sure most of you know this already, but just in case, here you go: 

WE'RE GOING TO EUROPE THIS SUMMER.

Yes, you read that correctly. I, Erin McKenzie Lashway, actively decided to no longer be a wuss, spend a portion of the money I've been saving up since I was about 14, and jet off to Europe for three weeks (June 22-July 11 to be exact) with my good friend Tori.

Of course, because I am somewhat of a pathetic slacker/procrastinator, the only real itinerary I have thus far is of our flights to and from Dublin, and then from London to Berlin, and then from Berlin back to Dublin again (so we can catch our flight back to good ole Murica). Oh, and our hostel is booked for the first night (the place even comes complete with free Wifi lol). All in all, the trip will probably look something like this:

But you never know. Adventure time yay!

(The only thing I'm not going to mention is that tours of the Harry Potter studios in London are completely sold out through July and I'm not going to mention it because I'm still super bitter thanks a lot universe and J.K. Rowling I thought we were best friends?!?!).

Honestly, this is just about the biggest risk I've ever taken in my life, and it's especially thanks to Tori that I'm even taking it. Not to mention Joy, my little German friend who's so graciously opened up her home to us for the five days we'll be over there. And then there's pretty much everyone else I talked to about it who said that now (aka. fresh out of college and sans husbands, kids, mortgages, jobs with little PTO, etc. etc.) is the very best time to take this risk. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not terrified nervous, but I just knew in my heart and in my gut that if I didn't take this risk, come next New Year's Eve I would be sitting on my aunt's couch, watching the ball drop, and hating myself. Sure, I have a little less money in the bank now, but I've been saving for so long, my student loans are on hold, and starting next month I'll have a full time job. So really, what was my excuse not to go?

4. Netflix does not help you pass classes.

Before you panic, I passed all my classes this semester (and graduated so whatever), but if you only knew how many shows I binge watched throughout the past six months you would probably want to slap me. Let's see, there's Switched at Birth, the Fosters, Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, Mom, Criminal Minds, Scandal, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, the West Wing, Fargo, Castle, Once Upon a Time...ugh the list goes on. Netflix is such a necessary evil it's crazy.


Anyway, I'm going to stop the list-y thing now before it starts getting dumb. Instead I'll just leave you with some more pictures some Oxy grad and post-Oxy grad adventures. Enjoy!

The Fray concert in Portland with Alicia.

Only the greatest nephew in the world.

Seattle University grad.

And thus is the semi-short story of the life of Erin over the past six months. And now, as I will be jetting off to Ireland in about 10 hours, I will see you all on the other side of the pond.

Peace and love,

~Erin